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Thank you to “Pete” in new Zealand (For safety I won’t show real names and locations on a website)

A couple of years ago I started wondering if I was unknowingly, somehow sabotaging my success. It felt like one step forward and all too often, one step back again, but I could never put my finger on it.

I came across this work and immediately understood what was going on. I discovered why I sometimes felt like a kid in a grown up world. I contacted John and we did some one to one online video sessions, about 10 all up.


This began a huge turnaround for me. I realized that I had lost my spontaneous joy of life, my joie de vivre. After years of drifting downwards, my life now is improving every day. It seems to me that as you get older, you become more of who you really are deep inside, and if that person isn’t who you really want to be, then your life slowly becomes unhappier, less successful.

That was me. I made and lost a fortune because of unhelpful core beliefs that I can now see were formed when I was very young and have remained until now, unexamined, untested. Over the last 2 years I’ve turned around my business and financial success, I’m doing my best work ever and I am enjoying it more than I have ever done. And I’m regaining my joy of life.


Pete, NZ.



The work we have done together has  helped me in so may ways to get in touch with my authentic self.

1. Standing up for and defending my Essential personality against the dark side of a parent, and the dark side of all entities both in my inner world and in my outer world. It seems that the more I focus on standing up for the real essential me in my inner world the more my outer reality reflects this.


2. Giving my Essential Self emotional affection. At first I assumed “he” needed physical affection the most and would allot try to force physical affection on him. And even though he LOVES physical affection, it is emotional affection that he requires the most. How wrong I have been all these years! And this emotional affection not only includes expressing emotional affection towards him but also lovingly accepting ALL of his emotional expression, which at times spurts out of his stomach region like a faucet shooting out mucous, grime, slime and other generally frowned upon feelings.


It appears hat the more I provide these two things for him (at least of late), the more willing and happy he is to show himself in my outer reality. Having said that, it has been a very gradual process and I am still working around the clock to build more trust with him and developed more effective ways to protect him and love him in world where so many people suffer from PTSD and low self worth. The challenges are endless, but I think the rewards are as well.

(Name withheld   For safety I won’t show real names and locations on a website)



Where to start.

Getting in touch with what I want and my needs instead of focusing on the needs of my abusers
Finding courage to be myself and letting go of fear -

-having supporttive people who  care about me and having the contrast of being treated with love and respect as opposed to the abusive cycle, manipulations and conditional care of the narc
-coming out of denial
-getting out of the fog of  Fear obligation and guilt
-realising that the good Times with the narc or their conditional gifts are not worth the abuse and how it
-having the courage and strength


Balancing core beliefs and realising its part of my childhood trauma
Doing ACE and realising the trauma and how it has affected me so deeply.
At last, no  longer  blaming myself for what happened and for the times my PYRO coping mechanisms didn’t handle things as well as my grown up side would have.
Realising the real me is strong positive intelligent kind and fun and admitting that the depressed powerless worthless feeling have been created by the abusers
Finding solutions to problems and not letting the PYRO take over automatically
Setting boundaries
Finding healthy anger


Deborah  from Dublin